AGENT JONATHON: Yes! They're right outside this door!
RYAN: In that case, I tell you to quickly barricade the door. We take off our clothes and stuff them underneath (bread can slip under doors, you know). I ask you, "What's a piece of bread's worst enemy?" You stare blankly, being just an agent and not a creative dynamo such as myself. A light bulb goes off (in my head)-- a toaster oven! But we'd need one big enough. "Arm yourself!" I say and toss you a butter knife, which I conveniently keep in my pocket. We fight our way through the throngs of rabid, jelly-salivating menaces, and make it outside. There we lure them into the world's largest makeshift toaster oven, which you radioed ahead to be constructed using a Wal-Mart and super-heated lighting fixtures. We lock them inside and watch them get nice and toasty. Their screams are a relief to us. The evil lunch snacks beg and plead, but we don't listen. After the last agonizing murmur is snuffed, we celebrate with cheers and a hearty meal of, you guessed it, PB&J. We then ship the remaining sandwiches across the globe, ending the world's hunger problem.
AGENT JONATHON: You've saved us! A clever one, aren't you? Perhaps even worthy of having your life story published.
AGENT JONATHON: Nonsense. As writers and readers, we all follow trails of consonants and vowels that lead us to sentences. With each sentence comes a paragraph; with each paragraph comes a page; thus, our stories are born. What would your life story be called and who would write it?
RYAN: Hmm, let's see. Without a doubt, Lewis Carroll would write my life story. It would be a nonsensical adventure story about a strange boy's indecisive wanderings through the murky waters of young adulthood. It would be called: "The Adventures of a Boy Who Can't Relax".
RYAN: It would probably flee to my favourite place in Canada, the place that inspired me so greatly when I spent time there a couple years ago: in the Rocky Mountains of Banff, Alberta. It's an oasis of beauty, serenity, creativity. There's scope for imagination there for sure. An imagination could go absolutely wild in that place.
RYAN: They'd probably ask, "What took you so long?" They'd wonder why I wasn't working on them instead of browsing the Internet or watching TV. You see, like many writers, I have a procrastination problem.
AGENT JONATHON: I see, well we can't all be perfect, can we?
RYAN: No one is perfect. So, are we done here?
RYAN: Thanks! As for your question though--my first novel would have an arsenal on Twilight. To name a few: imagination, well-developed characters, engaging prose, a well-crafted plot... I could go on and on and on. Twilight wouldn't stand a chance.
To read more of Ryan's YAtopia contributions, drop by the blog every 22nd of the month or click on his name on the right. You can also check out his other blog at http://theamazingwriterman.blogspot.com or follow him on Twitter @TheHeraldRyanG.